Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Should I stay or should I go?

I received an email today that read, in part, "Your application has been considered. However, another applicant was selected."

I was stunned. My potential promotion was gone and someone else had been hired. I wondered, "Is this for real? This is how they tell me?" It was an automated message--so cold. Why hadn't anyone bothered to talk to me?

I was angry. I started right to work on the cover letter I've delayed writing for a couple of weeks. I printed out a copy and my resume. I called a friend. I felt very, very sad. I thought, "I can't work here anymore. I can't stand this place." And I considered how humiliating it would feel to work under someone else while at the same time realizing how ridiculous that thought was. I wanted to get a drink.

I left the office for a bit and on the way back, I ran into old-boss, Larry. I said I was a bit upset and explained why. He said "No one else was selected. They decided not to make a decision right now." That made me feel a little better but not much. The upheaval in our office is not limited to my potential position; the politicals are shifting things around in other divisions. Perhaps our division director spot is also in play--no one knows.

So, while it was a relief to know I wasn't passed over, my feeling of sadness is slow to dissipate. I feel foolish--I overreacted. But I really don't know if I want to be here under any circumstances. I'm leaving early. I still want that drink.

Grateful for: the edge of clarity.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Anonymous comments will be rejected. You don't have to use your real name, just A name. No URL is required; enter your name and leave the 'url' line blank. Thank you.