Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Secrets

I am terrible at keeping secrets. Though, actually, an old friend of mine once said I was secretive. Heh. She thinks that about everyone. Some things I keep secret. Details of sexual encounters, commentary on personal attributes that may cause embarrassment, how much I hate my job...ok, not that last one.

I do so hate my job. I am working today (blog break excepted) and I just can't stand the people I have to deal with or the tasks I'm doing or the tasks looming. It's a really bad situation. It may be bad enough for me to actually DO SOMETHING about it.

I have two big secrets in my life right now (not from you, dear readers): 1) I haven't told Kent that I'm "seeing someone" 2) I haven't told Curt (new fella) about the blog.

Hmm, come to think of it, I never did explain to either of my parents that I really did break up with Kent. Well, since Mom knows about Curt, I guess that point is moot. When I next talk to my dad, I guess he'll find out, though he knows better than to ask about Kent...I'll just have to tell him.

Today, most unexpectedly, I recieved an email from Kent. A couple of lines with an article attached that he thought I would find interesting (I did, very much so). I realized, I had to tell him about Curt--well, no details, but something. Cause, geez, did I not almost lose my mind when he did something similar? (The not telling, that is.) Obviously, he wasn't going to find out via facebook, but, um, HE KNOWS ABOUT THE BLOG. Whoops. While I don't think he's actually reading anymore, he could check in any old time and then, wham, learn about all this mess in my head. Yikes.

So, when I wrote back to him today, I included a line that read, "This is awkward, but I recently started seeing someone." And not much more. Then I got very chatty about work...boring!

Now, I didn't want to tell him. It's horribly awkward and does he need to know? I thought, perhaps, if I ever had a new boyfriend, that would be the time to tell. But with the non-privacy afforded by the blog and the lack of sufficient time (between now and the demise of our relationship), I couldn't wait. Oh well.

As to telling Curt about the blog, it's not a big rush,  but if we move much closer into "real relationship" territory, I will have to tell him. It's not optional. Why isn't it optional? Example: a few weeks ago, at Pele's engagement party, her mother asked me, "Are you still writing...what is it? The blog?" Why, yes, Pele's mother, I am. Now, imagine a similar converstation with Curt standing right there and saying, "What's this I hear about a blog? You have a blog?"

I guess Pele is even worse at keeping secrets than I am! By the way, she got married this weekend--hitched without a hitch. I am happy for her but a little sad for me because I could have used her confidant services this week! Still, I survived by hitting up Nancy (work-friend--she usually does this job for me anyway, but kicked it up on the weekend), Evelyn (old Chapel Hill friend who came to see me in Raleigh), my mom and a couple of virtual friends. So, it's all good, Pele, don't feel too bad about your big day stepping all over my good gossip.

Seriously, I'm very happy for her and like the fellow she married. I look forward to having them both in my life.

And, now, back to work! Argh.

Grateful for: choices.

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