Lucky readers, you have in store for you today a post ever-so-slightly related to dating. Are you excited?
I went to the baseball game on Wednesday with (work-friend) Nancy. As we watched and tried to stay warm, she mentioned another friend who had made an off hand remark to her about a "guy I sleep with sometimes."
I said, "A guy she sleeps with sometimes?"
Nancy said, "I know."
I said, "Hmm. I think I'd like to have a guy I slept with sometimes."
She said, "Oh, c'mon. You so could. But you don't want that! You couldn't even do that."
I said nothing but merely grumbled.
Nancy continued, "You'd be all, 'when's he gonna call me?' and 'does he like me?' You'd get obsessed. You can't do that."
I stayed silent but I thought, "I don't always get obsessed." But I've been defending myself against obsession charges for so long, that I didn't think it was worth arguing the point.
Nancy finished up with, "You can't not care. You CARE. You can't even PRETEND not to care!"
I laughed hard at that. I said, "It's so true. I can't even pretend not to care."
"That's a good thing." Nancy said.
"Yes. I think so."
Something happened yesterday that really hammered it home. I was at work, it was a little after 5pm. I was planning to leave around 5:45, when I would drive to the shelter where I read to the kids once a month (with Kristin and Barbara).
Then, I get an IM. From Sailor. It simply says, "Jazz at the courtyard of the American Art Museum, 5-8." A second message follows with a link.
I'm astonished. This is the first time Sailor has ever asked me, solo, to do anything. How long has it been folks? A year or more? Geez louise. And I have to say no!
I respond: Sounds fun but....I have to go read to homeless children.
At this point, I call Pele, because I have to tell someone. We're on the phone when Sailor finally responds.
Sailor: Oh, that's the best excuse you can come up with? Maybe next time.
Then he signs off!
I say to Pele, "See, I can't even pretend not to care!"
Today, when I get to work, I send a link to Sailor with the name of the outfit through which I do the volunteer reading.
He responds: anyone can make a website.
This afternoon, around 4pm, I send him another IM saying: happy hour tonight?
Sailor: sounds good, but I can't make it.
Jamy: helping needy children?
Sailor: nothing so altruistic.
Jamy: well, ok, so when can you make it?
Sailor: monday or wednesday?
Jamy: wednesday. tabitha goes to the vet on monday.
Jamy: ok, have fun tonight. talk to you next week.
Sailor: you too.
The whole not caring thing is really overrated, isn't it?
But, you know what I've decided not to care about? What Sailor thinks of me. What have I got to lose?
And, anyway, I'm going to Paris. Heh.
Grateful for: caring.