Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Enough

Enough venting! Or maybe not enough.

The interactions with SL have reached a point of high absurdity. After our ridiculous conversation on Monday, I knew I hadn't heard the last of him. I didn't come out and say "I'm not going out with you again" and that's my bad. It left the door open a crack and a guy like SL is going to take full advantage of that. Yikes. It was not surprising to get email from him on Tuesday. In the message he said he respected and admired me and did not hate me.

My reaction? I know you don't hate me. You love me! Ok, I know he doesn't love me, but still. When he criticized me in our talk and tried to tell me how I needed to change, I told him I wasn't going to change and he needed to consider that. He had a lot of good information about me and he could do with that as he saw fit. I tried to "unsell" him on me. Not a good strategy. But would you want to go out with someone who did that? Wouldn't you think she was crazy? I certainly felt crazy doing it. But, no, instead, I got that email. I wrote back today, just saying I wasn't upset and that I didn't like to argue. (And he wrote back and asked me out for tonight so see his band! I said no thank you.)

He found that surprising. I'm good at arguing. I like to win (at everything). But arguing makes me deeply unhappy and very comfortable. Arguing is like coming home. But I've consciously worked hard, very hard, to make a different kind of home for myself. One where easy going joviality and open communication is the norm rather than arguing and withholding.

That's the main reason I can't date SL. He says things that bother me, I feel the need to call him on them and then we argue. And then that's all we do. And that won't do.

Besides, on our date, he wore the tightest jeans I've ever seen on anyone. It was embarrassing. I couldn't look. I can't date someone I can't bring around my friends because of his tight pants! Yeesh.

What else? I got another email from "Love to!" My favorite line, "I have been thinking about our first meeting a lot...perhaps over-thinking it and want it to go just right...without any time constraints so as to let the conversation flow naturally without any worry of needing to be somewhere or having to rush home..."

Good gravy, what is wrong with him? We haven't even talked on the phone nor has he asked for my number and he's been thinking about our first meeting a lot? Yes, I have to agree with him, he's over-thinking it. A lot.

Again, flattering and perplexing.

Oh, and Spesh is coming for a visit on Saturday! And staying for...well, I'm not sure how long, maybe a week? It will be nice to have him hanging around the house, making me go out all week and arguing in a comfortable way. Hey, I admit, that is part of what we like to do--but it's way, way more fun than arguing with anyone else I know. Actually, it may be the only fun arguing I do with anyone.

Grateful for: flattery.

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