Monday, May 15, 2006

The demise of Kyle

I know you weren't wondering about happened to Kyle, but now that I'm sure that I will never meet Kyle, I feel at liberty to share the whole, sad story with you.

That's right. I will never meet Kyle. Am I sad about that? Um, NO.

Let's see, where did I leave off in the Kyle saga? I thought he'd failed to follow through on what I thought was a firm plan. He apologized and I bought it. Actually, I still think he was sincere.

Over the next week (April 24-28), we exchanged a few emails. Kyle has a job where he works the swing shift (3-11pm). I suggested lunch, but he declined, explaining that he works at home and then goes straight to the office and meeting for lunch breaks up his day. He said he might make an exception for me, but there was no movement on the mid-week lunch front by Kyle and I dropped it. Eventually, though, he proposed that we go out on Saturday night (April 29).

The catch with our proposed Saturday night plan was that he had a friend who might be coming into town from Tennessee. If the friend showed up, then our plan was probably off. I wrote, "I assume we have a plan until you tell me the status of your friend's arrival."

The friend did come to town on Friday (April 28) and Kyle let me know in a timely fashion. I was a little disappointed.

When I woke up on Saturday morning, I had four emails from Kyle.

Email #1:
Subject: RE: hi
Date: April 29, 2006 2:11:50 AM EDT
To: jamy

Hey there.

I'm hanging out with Doug [ed. note: the out of town friend.] (who's about to crash), and we're catching up on old times. And we're both wondering how the hell you know about the Knoxville Smokies! [Ed. note: my email contained a reference to baseball, his friend is from TN and I mentioned the Smokies, the minor league team in Knoxville, were I went to grade school.]

Anyway, I showed him your profile, and he agrees with me that you're very good looking.

Wish to god I could have you over right now to join us for a beer and some laughs. We're having a good time.

Anyway, our situation IS absurd. But you know what? Maybe it's a good thing. Maybe when we finally meet, we'll be so damned happy we can't contain ourselves.

Nice though, huh?

Take care, cutie pie. Hope to see your face soon. And maybe kiss it a time or two ;)


Email #2:
Subject: p.s.
Date: April 29, 2006 2:40:12 AM EDT
To: jamy

Doug looked at your profile, and he agrees totally with my opinion that you are gorgeous.


Email #3:
Subject: pps
Date: April 29, 2006 2:41:19 AM EDT
To: jamy


I just realized that I already told you that.

Hmmm. Perhaps I'm buzzed. [Ed. note: you think?]

But dammit, you are so cute!

Email #4:
Subject: RE: hi
Date: April 29, 2006 2:47:13 AM EDT
To: jamy

Wait ... I just carefully reread this [ed. note: the email I sent]. I love it, but are you not sweet? [Ed note: he called me sweet in response to another email. I replied, "I don't think about myself as sweet, but if you do, it's ok with me."]

Ack! I need a sweet woman!

You are sweet, right? Yes, you have to be. I think you really are.

Eh. At least you're hot.


I laughed when I read this series of emails. Drunk emailing? Never heard of it or been subject to it. I wrote him a message expressing that sentiment and thanking him for not waking me with a drunken phone call. He wrote back and was not apologetic, which was fine with me. No need for him to be embarrassed. In his last message on Saturday afternoon, he warned me that he might drunk dial me later that night. I said, fine, but don't call too late. I then went up to Baltimore to see the Mariners play the Orioles.

Kyle DID drunk dial me that Saturday night, which I was spending happily ensconced in my apartment. The call lasted only 6 minutes, but involved him talking about my "boobs," asking to come over and promising to just drink water and talk. I said I would meet him out somewhere (it was just past 10pm) but he said he'd had enough to drink already (which was clear). I told him he could not come over; that it wasn't how we were going to first meet. He said I could trust him. I told him I was sure I could, but he still couldn't come over. The end. I wanted to chat longer, but he wasn't game.

Kyle sent an apologetic email on Sunday and we made an aborted attempt to get together.

My friendly email to him (on Monday, May 1) went unanswered. Not quite willing to hang it up, I sent him a message on Friday (May 5), "What's up?"

He answered and we spent the rest of Friday trying to make plans (at his initiative) for Saturday. I suggested afternoon coffee, he suggested meeting later. I agreed to meet later, but said I needed to be home by 10pm because I had the ultimate frisbee tournament the next day. He said he didn't want to meet until 8 or 9pm. He wrote, "Dammit, will this ever work?"

I wanted to respond, "No, it won't because you are the most inflexible man in the world." As Pele previously observed, "he wants to be available but he is NOT AVAILABLE."

I sent one last email to Kyle on the evening of May 5th: "If you want to meet at 8pm, we can do that, but I have to go home early."

He never answered.

I could be angry about this and I certainly was very annoyed. But anger seemed like a waste of time. I imagined sending him an angry message, but what was there to say? What good would it do me to write: "You are an idiot. First, there were seemingly endless rounds of email, long after I gave you my number and you said you would call. Then, you sent me drunk emails. The next day you moved on to drunk dialing. But you never once had the courage to meet me, drunk or sober, or actually talk to me in person sober. Loser! Jerk! Tease!"

Whew. I feel better now. Big smile.

There have been times when I saw a guy online who I thought was gorgeous AND had something interesting to say. (Kyle was not gorgeous.) And if such a guy had responded to my emails and actively tried to meet me, you bet I would have figured out a way to make it happen. Kyle's behavior is some of the most perplexing I have encountered in all my time online. It was an exercise in mixed-messages. His words were never reflected in his actions.

Grateful for: learning my lesson.

Drop me a line.

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