Sunday, April 23, 2006

Can you hear me now?

A pet peeve of mine is the opaque post. If you are going to write, let me know what the hell you're talking about--don't make me guess.

Another peeve? This business about whether or not you should let your (new) significant other know about your blog and playing the "it's my diary" card as a reason not to tell him.

For a few, very few, of you, your blog is anonymous. Your friends and family don't know about it and you don't tell them. You don't meet other bloggers. No one knows who you are. If that is the case, you have my permission to keep your blog from yourboyfriend/girlfriend.

But many of my friends know about my "diary." I told some of them and then they told others. That's fine. Then, I went and introduced myself to other bloggers, so they know me now, even if they don't read. Fine. And I told my brother. But he's not reading, right? Then I told my mother. And she found it, but she's not supposed to read. Fine.

The upshot? The whole frickin' world knows about my blog. Fine. That's what I wanted. I want my writing to be read. That's why I'm posting the details of my life on the INTERNET and not scribbling happily in my paper journal.

What is my policy about telling boyfriend candidates about the blog? As soon as I think the guy is going to stick around, I will tell him. I HAVE to tell. It's just not fair, considering that my friends, who he will meet (awkwardness!!!), have read all about him. Making that decision inevitably will affect what I write. What can do you?

The problem I keep bumping into is that the stories I'm good at writing, the feelings I enjoy expounding upon, must occasionally be made opaque. I can't directly discuss such things on the blog because you never know who is reading.


On to funny boy stories!!

Last night, I went to a party with CK. It was in Sterling, Virginia. On the drive back to my car, I said, "I am done with Sterling this year." I actually went to a party in Sterling a month or so ago. I wanted to write about it, but it was right before I went to Israel and I didn't have time. Let me just say this: it was not fun. I spent most of the evening talking to a woman about her new cat. My favorite moment might have been when a fellow asked about the fruit salad I made, "It's really good. What kind of cheese is that in the salad?" I answered, "Cottage cheese." I mean, it wasn't some mystery secret cheese. Just plain old cottage cheese. It was small curd, though, maybe that threw him.

Last night, something similar happened. The party was full of swing dancers, but I spent most of the evening talking to a cool young woman, Dani, who did not dance. We were corned by a couple of friendly African guys who, without many preliminaries, insisted on getting our phone numbers. We both consented and regretted it. I expect a call and an invite to H2O this week. Not looking forward to that. (The guys were fine, but we didn't talk to them much before they insisted on getting our numbers. I didn't like the vibe.)

Later, we hid upstairs, where we were joined by CK and Dani's dancing friend, Kurt. Not her boyfriend, mind you. We read the questions off of Scruples cards and had a good time laughing at our disparate answers. CK declared that I was the conscience of the group. Well, it's not like I haven't been there before.

Would you like another funny story about a boy? Perhaps, you would like to know what the hell is going on with Kyle (the internet guy I've been emailing with for a couple of weeks)? I would like to know that too.

We had an email exchange on Wednesday that lead me to believe that we would get together on Saturday.

Here is part of the exchange:
Jamy: If you wanted to get together, Friday evening is free and maybe Saturday afternoon is too, for coffee. I'll even be in [your area] if that makes it easier.

Kyle: I would very much like to meet you. What time do you think you'll be in [my area] Saturday afternoon?

Jamy: [Bunch of unnecessary details about my schedule, errands, etc.] I can meet you any time after 11am somewhere in [your area], I just have to be back in DC by 6pm. We can have coffee or whatever. I'm flexible.
Friday night rolled around and I still hadn't heard from him. I can't say I was upset--that would have been an overreaction--but I was annoyed. I got another offer for Saturday afternoon, and I promptly accepted.

Saturday was spent picking up the new red chairs, doing a tiny grocery shop, meeting a friend for lunch and dropping by a museum (about damn time). When I got home, I had a quick dinner and a little relaxing before heading to goddamn Sterling.

I did manage to send Kyle one last email:
Since I haven't heard from you, I have to assume that you don't want to get together. I'm disappointed that it didn't work out; I was looking forward to meeting you.

Best of luck.
You may say I was too easy on him, but I was going for the guilt and I wasn't keen on letting him completely off the hook. And it's not like I hated him or anything.

Then I drove to goddamn Sterling and had the above mentioned fun.

Today, Sunday, I received this message from Kyle:
Oh, Jamy,

This is not the case at all. I've just been overwhelmed between work and this online "dating" thing. I'm sorry I haven't called.

I am most definitely interested in meeting you. I apologize if I've been rude, and if you don't want to meet me, I understand.

But if you still have interest, please write back.
Well, I wasn't quite sure what to make of that, and I told him so:
Hrm. I don't quite know what to make of this situation. I thought we had a plan, though not a time and a place, for Saturday. When I didn't hear from you on the where and when, I gave up.

I'm still open to meeting, but the ball is in your court.
And he responded:
We didn't have a plan, did we? I remember I got an e-mail from you at some point saying you might have some free time yesterday to squeeze in a cup of coffee or something, but you were otherwise booked, right?

God, I hope I'm not just confused. If I told you I'd do something and didn't call, I'm even more apologetic. Please tell me I didn't do that.

And I answered:
Well, you asked me when I was free on Saturday. I told you when I was free. I didn't give you a specific time and place--I thought you would tell me what was convenient for you. That was on Wednesday and I thought we were set to do something on Saturday, though specifically what hadn't been determined.

It sounds like a simple misunderstanding.

That said, you're still going to have to initiate the next plan because I'm feeling a little gun shy.
I'm still waiting for the next installment of "will he or won't he?".

I don't have much hopes for anything working out with this guy. I doubt we'll ever meet. It's just been too hard. Still, it's nice to think he wasn't blowing me off (um, though, he kinda is). And I can understand getting overwhelmed when you are meeting a lot of people online. But there are better and worse ways to handle it, and this is probably one of the worse.

Two final observations about Kyle:
  1. I thank him for providing mildly entertaining blog material.
  2. He better not become my boyfriend, because this would be mighty embarrassing if he ever read it.
Grateful for: the chance to be clear.
Drop me a line.

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