Thursday, August 25, 2005

The new me

I've been wondering about the issue that Neil and a few others raised--as soon as I get interested in someone all these other men come out of the woodwork (what does that mean exactly? What were they doing in the woodwork? How did they get in there?).

Usually, this happens because you present yourself differently after you get interested in someone. You are more relaxed, you don't censor yourself, you lose any slight desperate aura. You become more attractive.  It's no accident that you meet the perfect boyfriend six months before planning to leave town or when actively avoiding relationships.

But, since all of these new guys are online, there is no way they can see any difference in my behavior, my mood or the way I carry myself.  They are responding to my profile.

The profile that I changed just a few days ago--based on comments from the Philosopher.  Oh, the irony!

When you change your profile on JDate© it gets flagged as "new" and, depending on the person's settings, he may be more likely to see it because of that.  But a few of the responses have specifically mentioned the part of the profile I changed.  I think that all of the responses, with maybe one or two exceptions, came in after I made these changes.

The part I changed was where you have to write about your "perfect match."  My old profile said something like, "Flexible, open-minded, easy-going. Somebody who would complement me, introduce me to new things and be able to roll with the punches. I don't care about your politics, your religion or your job.  I do care about how you treat others."

One of the first things the Philosopher said to me was, "I have a disagreement with you."

Jamy: About what?

Phil: Politics of all things.

Jamy [bracing myself for another Republican]:  Do tell.

Phil: If you are really a socialist, you have to change what you wrote.  You do care about politics.  You'll pull in the wrong kind of people with that statement.

Jamy: Of course I care, but my point was that actions, how you treat people, are more important than politics.

Phil: Then say that.

Jamy: You're right.  I'll have to revise it.

And I did.  I thought what I wrote would scare people off, but au contraire, mon frère.  This is the new perfect match description:
Flexible, open-minded, easy-going. Somebody who would complement me, introduce me to new things and be able to roll with the punches. We don't have to have the same politics, but you can't deride mine. You should spend your life doing something that actively promotes good in the world or at the very least does no harm. I care about how we get along, how you treat me and other people and what you want from life. It's not just enough to talk a good game, actions matter.

And I'm a hit!  Who knew?

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