Can I just say that my mother is crazy? I guess everyone thinks their mom is crazy. I wish I just thought it. After we had an ok conversation on Friday, we exchanged a few emails over the weekend. I joined Netflix a couple of weeks ago and I added Mom to my "Friends" list. We emailed in a low-key way about movies, how the rating system worked, some of the films I'd seen and a few other random bits of chit-chat. Basic friendly stuff. I thought everything was fine. I'm sitting here, innocently, watching tv, reading blogs, drafting a post and I get this email from Mom:
Well I guess we can have a relationship restricted to movies. it will not play an important time in my life, but so it goes. I am very fatigued with not stating any opinions, asking questions, etc. i guess Pete's death opened me up a bit. So if you can't hear me on topics of importance to you, then let's just leave it at a familial acquaintance and go from there.
[Mom's first name]
Wha-huh? I have NO IDEA why she is writing this. Is she harking back to the night of our short and unpleasant conversation? Perhaps. I wrote back:
You jokingly suggested that we restrict our relationship to movies. I do not think we should do that. I do think sharing our Netflix lists would be a fun and friendly thing to do.
I find it very difficult to talk to you about men. That didn't used to be the case and I'm not sure when things changed. It doesn't feel like you listen to me. I only hear your concerns, rarely anything positive or supportive. I'm glad that you care about me and that you are concerned about me. I need to stay positive. Dating is hard work and I need all the support I can get. If something important is going on, I will tell you about it--I want you to know about the important people in my life. I don't want you to tease me about liking a guy when you know hardly anything about the situation. It's discouraging.
I'll happily talk to you about almost anything else. If I'm not talking to you about it, I'm probably not talking to ANYONE about it. And, we can always talk about you.
Restricting our relationship is not my idea. Sometimes you call and I'm tired and don't feel like talking. All I want to do is chat and I can't get enthused about a deep conversation. This doesn't mean I never want to talk to you about anything meaningful.
I'm already regretting what I wrote, but too damn bad. I can't baby her all the time. And why is she acting like I've put all these restrictions on her? So not true! I'm very fatigued with all things I can't tell her because of her frightful reactions. I just said I wasn't going to talk to her about guys. If she wants to talk about men, I'm all ears. She's done this to me before and I don't get it. Maybe this is a delayed reaction to Pete's death. Oh dear.
I guess I can count on Mom to rain on my parade if things ever start to look sunny.
I love Mom. I don't want to cut her out of my life. I don't know why she's so quick to suggest such a thing. Sometimes I need a break and I may not call for a week or two, but that doesn't mean I don't want a close relationship with her. I want a better relationship with her; one with less tension. I can tell that's what she wants too, but then why drop bombshells? Why not try and talk to me?
Grateful for: knowing I didn't do anything wrong.