Monday, June 06, 2005

About a boy

JenA asked: what do you like about this guy?

Princess said: it sounds like you started to like him when you found out he was interested.

First of all, I don't like him very much right now because he hasn't called me. It's been less than two days since I saw him. But, I'm waiting, I'm anxious. I'm stupid. Actually, I don't like me right now. And it's his fault so I don't like him either. Not getting any sleep last night sure didn't help anything. Let's just say he calls in the next day or two and I haven't started to hate him. Why would I want to call him at all?

First question first. I like him because he listened to me and paid attention. He found the old boyfriend stories amusing (I know, I can't help myself). He was quiet, steady and there. We didn't have a ping-pong rapport, but we had a good time watching his friends and their wingman antics. Maybe he seemed a little sad? He was easy to be with and that's always a good sign. There was some joking around, but not continuous hilarity. That's fine, I like some seriousness. He is a good kisser.

It's true that I like him, partly, because he likes me (though I have my doubts on that count after no call in over 48 hours...yes, I need to stop being crazy). I really didn't think he was interested. I was prepared to be interested when I first met him. But, as the evening wore on, he tried to set me up with other guys, he moved away quickly from those little accidental touches...I just figured we could be friends. We got along well, and maybe there just wasn't anymore. When I told Princess about the stuff in the bar she said that was a sign of him thinking I wasn't interested. Just crossed wires?

It's not like me to end up with a shy guy because I'm used to being pursued--at least at first. I've met guys who showed strong interest initially then I followed up and sort of made things happen--because I was "sure" they liked me and I was confident. I guess I'm not confident about anything in this situation, starting with me. I want to see him again, if only to find out if I really do like him and the whole thing wasn't a drunken figment of my imagination. I suppose if I never hear from him again, I'll have my answer. Sigh.

In the morning, it was awkward. We sat in the living room and drank the coffee I'd made. We discussed what movie I was going to see with my "little sister" and he said I should make her see the Star Wars movie (we saw the movie about the pants; it wasn't so bad). "Show her who's boss!" I laughed. He said, "When do you have to leave to meet her?" I said, "I don't know, I have to be up there by noon. I have plenty of time." Somewhere way in the back of my mind it occurred to me that maybe he wanted to get breakfast or something. But he didn't suggest it and neither did I. He gave me a hug and kiss goodbye when he left. I liked that.

At my house, he examined my bookcases. He said, "Some people think it's rude, but I can't help it." I didn't care.

He said, "Is that a Barbie in your bathroom?" I have a Barbie disguising an air-freshener in the bathroom that was a present from the "little sister." I don't like it, but what could I do? She gave it to me, so there it sits. No one has ever asked me about it, so it amused me that not only did Fred notice, but he asked. He is sort least about some things. I like that.

Very late at night, we had this conversation:

J: "Can I ask you something?"

F: "Sure, what is it?"

J: "How old are you?"

F: "38. That's it? That's all you want to know?"

J: "Yes. I'm actually younger than you." No response. I asked, "Oh, ever married?"

F: "No. You?"

J: "No. Do you want to ask me how old I am? I don't mind."

F: "No. I'm not going to ask. You don't ask women that. It's rude."

J: "But I asked you. Was that rude?"

F: "No, no, it's not the same. Maybe it's old fashioned, but I don't ask."

And I didn't tell.

It's funny where people draw the line, isn't it? I have to say that I like Fred because I know there are certain awkward conversations we are unlikely to ever have. Will he ask me how many guys I've slept with? No. Will he ask me why I have a Barbie in the bathroom? Or say things like, "There really is a lot of cat hair around, isn't there?" Yes. That's the kind of awkwardness I can handle. I wonder if having the same boundaries as you is an important relationship test? It probably is. But I'm not doing that! I don't even know if I'm going to see this guy again. Gotta stop getting ahead of myself.

I'm afraid I may seem a little crazy in this post. This is the kind of thinking that goes on when I meet someone, before I know anything for sure. I am well aware that nothing may happen. That I may lose interest, that he may lose interest. That it could be a disaster or that something quite nice could happen. Or that I could be facing another series of torturous, confusing encounters. Actually, you can scratch that last one. I'm not doing that anymore. I'll take it easy and let things happen. If I can't take it, I'll get out. Long, drawn out torture is not on the agenda.

I always skip a little too far down the road of the potential relationship. The relationship that I would like to have--the fantasy relationship. Now there is a guy to drop into that fantasy...and I'm off to the races. I will reign myself in, don't worry!

Grateful for: knowing that this is only a case of temporary insanity.

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