Sunday, March 06, 2005

Blog love

I admit it. I'm a blogging junky. I'm hooked. If you been reading for a while (and I know who you are: KJ, HP, Noe, CN), you may have noticed all the fancy little extras I've added to the page. Links, a blogroll, counters, even a "creative commons license." So much fun! While I get a huge kick out of tweaking the page, trying to understand HTML, and making things look pretty (and failing), the real obsession boils down to two things: writing and readers. The fact that complete strangers have taken time to read my entries and leave comments is thrilling, exhilarating even. I have a hard time finding the words to express it. I have also been reading and commenting on a couple of other blogs, most of which I've included as links on the sidebar. A couple of them have really caught my fancy. I worry about my writing being boring, but these other blogs are so interesting. They are wonderful windows to people's interior worlds. Like a novel in installments, perhaps, but it's someone's life unfolding. It's also occured to me that part of the beauty of blogging is the instant (or close to instant) gratfication it provides. One gets feedback on one's thoughts, one's words, one's actions. It's almost like you care. This does lead to a dilemma. Since writing the blog has become a true hobby, something I spend time on every day, and something I spend time thinking about with an alarming frequency--who can I tell about it? Many of you who read this are friends who I've invited, some of you have found me because I linked to your site. Some of you are friends of friends. Some maybe just stumbled here randomly. I have come to the conclusion that I cannot discuss or even mention this blog to my dates. It would be too much of a tease, too tempting. It would lead to a restaining kind of self-censorship. Oh, but it just kills me. I hate keeping secrets. I want to share with everyone all the things that are going on with me--I want to tell them about this wonderful new thing I've discovered. I think, though, that there is really no question about what to do. I have said some rather unkind things here about some of my dates, things I would never say to their faces. I have revealed my feelings, my inner thoughts that I might never tell a boyfriend--all the doubts that I would never share. The potential harm is much greater than the satisfaction I would gain by not having to keep a secret. I am resolved, then, not to tell dates. Not to mention the blog at all. If my cover gets blown by one of the dates, well, I'll just deal with it. WB update: he called me on Saturday afternoon and we had an interesting talk. It was easier than seeing him in person. He also remarked on that. He is a bit of a lost soul. There is a certain amount of attraction there, but not quite enough click. Enough good that I wouldn't mind seeing him again, but not enough that I can't wait. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if we didn't see each other again. Grateful for: blogging, of course!

5 comments:

  1. Jamy, I read your blog neary every day.

    I'm kinda new to blogging, so I always think that people assume I'm a weirdo stalker when I say things like that.

    I found your blog randomly, by hitting the "Next Blog" button on my own blog. I kept paging forward until I found an interesting one. You were it!

    I don't know what attracted me to your blog. Maybe that you're so honest about your dating adventures. I don't need to hear the porn details, but the relationship details keep me coming back. I don't know, maybe I'm a closet sociologist.

    Anyway, you have at least one reader out here. And I promise I won't spill the beans to any of your potential dates...

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  3. wulfgar--If that's stalking, bring it on! I'm extremely flattered that you read my blog regularly. I won’t ever share “porn details” but that actually does raise another dilemma: how to continue to be honest if sex enters the picture. Luckily for me, it’s unlikely to be a dilemma anytime soon :).

    I’m very comfortable with complete strangers reading the blog and with good friends reading it. I’m less comfortable with acquaintances or work friends reading it. The people with whom I have regular contact, but with whom I don’t choose to share intimate details of my life are not people I want to read the blog. Funny, no? But I guess it does make sense.

    I hope you keep reading, but I think I’m heading towards a dating dry spell so it may not be as lively for a while. But, you never know!

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  4. "I won’t ever share “porn details” but that actually does raise another dilemma: how to continue to be honest if sex enters the picture."

    This is interesting, because I happen to have a similar dilemma. My Chronicles of Wulfgarnia is my blog where I grump about any damn thing that catches my interest. However, I'm starting a second blog.

    This second blog will concentrate on a particular medical condition that I and thousands of other guys suffer from. The problem is, it's a sexual condition. I'm not so sure my wife or daughter would appreciate those kinds of details on the net.

    I've decided though, that the guys suffering this condition need a voice, and I can help establish that. I will likely get very graphic in my blog, but I think that's the way it has to be.

    Not that germaine to your previous comment... So here's the point I'm trying to make.

    If you come up with a good way to approach the details question, or if I come up with a good way, perhaps we can share notes.

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  5. Wulfgar--I think the only way to do what you propose is to start a completely new and totally anonymous blog. Don't link it to you other sites or your other blogger account. Don't post your picture. Start over!

    My solution? Hide the sex by only referring to it in a veiled way. For what I’m doing, the details are irrelevant. For what you want to do, it sounds like the details are the whole point. In that case, I would just start something new. If you don’t want to do that, then I think you’re still ok. If you have a good reason for sharing intimate, graphic details, it won’t seem prurient. Of course, whatever you do, make sure your wife is ok with it. It’s her secrets you are sharing too.

    Actually, that is my main reason for keeping my dates anonymous—I have the right to share my secrets, but not theirs. Since I’m not getting their permission, their identities must remain unknown.

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