Wednesday, February 23, 2005


Signs the end is near:
  • Exhibit an inability to empty dishwasher/clean kitchen
  • Cut oneself on tin can in sink (see above)
  • Leave heavy coat at office
  • Have anxiety dream about upcoming party

Ok, it's not that bad. Today, because I was busy, I was productive and I started to like my job again. Not love, but like is quite an improvement. I also had a nice long chat with my office buddy, TR. I miss talking to him. Used to talk a lot more when we were officemates. It's probably better that we don’t share the office anymore. We still get some chatting in when we walk home together once or twice a week. The last couple of weeks, TR's been home a lot with sick kids so I haven't had a chance to talk to him. Today, we chatted about work, but I also launched into my usual "why am I single" lament. It's not really that pathetic. We joke around and he makes fun of me. Sometimes he even gives me useful advice. I was still recovering from my little bout with the Tuesday blues, and I told him Jake's flight, an abbreviated version. TR said, "It's not just you, people are getting married at older ages." I said I knew (the demographer in me knows). What I didn't say was, it's cold comfort knowing that one is part of a larger demographic trend. Knowing doesn't help.

It's hard when I finally think I know what I want, but then, I read things (like this pretty good and interesting blog) where a guy lists that one of his deal breakers is a woman without out kids who wants kids. He says that auditioning for "father" is too much while auditioning for "husband." It just feels so unfair. I'm penalized because I know that I want kids? I can't get into a long-term relationship with someone who knows he doesn't want kids--that's one of my deal breakers. The guy isn't auditioning for anything. Who thinks about it like that? He does have a point about deal breakers, though. First, the fewer the better and second, you better know damn well what they are.

I'm grateful that not everyone thinks like this. I hope.


  1. I for one can't wait to drive through snow (ok, possible sludge by Friday) to get to your party. My weird dream was about Steve and his medical prescriptions - "why didn't you just give them to me so I could saute them?" - this was what I asked him upon waking up.

    Hey when I did my taxes last week (on Valentine's Day, how romantic) the gubmint thinks I'm single too! So what kind of descriptor can I give to my relationship that doesn't play down my independence (I like the idea of "being single" sometimes) but also respects my "partnerhood" (see, it's already devolving into weird -hood names with me). I don't know what common phrase would encompass my relationship at this stage.


  2. That dual audition you talked about is something I've only seen far off in the horizon, but has let its presence be known the older the women are that I date. It really is a personal preference on a guy's part whether he's ready to take both steps at once. And if he's an older guy, I think he better get more of these dual propositions and not be surprised by it. For me, it's more a matter of being with the right person.

    One thing a guy does not want to feel is that he is being landed because it's time for the woman to settle down, and he is the closest one within reach. Though that kind of stuff does happen.

  3. Well, DD, I guess my point is, what is a gal to do? I hate the idea of thinking of dating as "auditioning." Of course, it would take me a good long time to be sure that the fella I was dating is the fella I want to marry or have kids with or any of that. But, is it so wrong to know that you do want those things in your life? That you might prefer them sooner rather than later? I guess the trick is to know it but avoid rushing things and putting undue pressure on the other party. I can't believe, though, that only women feel this way. There are some baby wanting men out there too, they are just less likely to admit it.

    It also bugs me that men will just assume that they know what I want because of my age. Ok, maybe it's true, but it doesn't mean I want it with them!

  4. There's absolutely nothing wrong with dating someone who knows they want to start a family - it's a natural extension of what relationships are all about. I myself would have to think really hard about getting into something serious with someone who didn't want kids. Yes, there are guys out there who would like to have kids as well.

    That demographics issue you're talking about btw has a lot to do with people wanting to build a stronger financial base before taking on the responsibility of raising kids. I know it is for me, because I'd like to be able to provide the best environment as I can for my family when it gets to be my turn.

    As for the auditioning analogy, well, it's not a pleasant one, but unfortunately if you take the labels out, the dating and auditioning processes sound eerily similar.


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